Star Trek : In Short Order
by Gojirob
Summary: A series of drabbles from all the different Star Trek series. 100 words of high-impact story.
1. Puns And Punishment

Pun-ishment

By Rob Morris

**1**

Kira began to relate her intense dream about Bareil. Ezri listened intently, nervous that she would upset her new/old friend.

"He walked in, and he was my Bareil. He announced his intention to make sweet, gentle love to me. Then, the Mirror Bareil walked in, and he announced his intention to have wild, untamed sex with me."

Ezri nodded.

"So what did you do?"

Kira blushed.

"Ezri--I had them take me simultaneously. I did something I'd never dream of allowing while awake."

Ezri ended the session--badly.

"So in other words----they gave it to you with both Bareils."

-----------

**2**

Worf sat at the table in Quark's.

"Martok--must we truly undergo this?"

Martok nodded.

"After arguing with Jellico and Sisko over basking in victories, I feel like a weakling for my fear. But we must do this, Worf. It is tradition!"

Worf still felt uneasy.

"To--eat of Gowron's flesh--merely because he had been Chancellor. If someone had accused us of that, I would have killed him instantly!"

Quark brought the plate.

"Quite a grisly little meal, but here it is. Eat hearty!"

Martok openly winced.

"Was this--thing--truly once my fallen predecessor?"

Quark nodded.

"I Gowron-tee!"

**3  
**

That the Voles were fully sentient stunned everyone. But their leader had emerged, and asked for talks. Now, to celebrate the contact, a party was being held at Vic's bar, with Ah-ray, the leader of the newly recognized sentient species, as the guest of honor. Sisko enjoyed especially hearing that Ah-ray had never even considered letting the Cardassians know about their secret.

Vic fretted. He had to come up with a number to get things moving. He felt he'd found it at last.

"I dedicate this to the leader of a group we never saw correctly."

He began.

"Vooole Ah-Rayyyy......"

**4**  


DEEP SPACE NINE, 2379

The Doctor winced to hear Ezri's words.

"That bad? Don't get me wrong. I've had to endure my creator's lack of social graces myself. Small wonder I disobeyed orders so often. Apples and Trees, as they say."

Ezri nodded.

"Julian likes you well enough, Doctor. But at that conference, Zimmerman dredged it all up again. Like Julian had a choice about his enhancements! I'm not even convinced he was slow. But your programmer---needs a manners chip, if you know what I mean."

The Doctor raised a concerned eyebrow.

"It seems Lewis Zimmerman is little more than a Julian Basher!"

**5**  


The King of Vector-Sigma Eight was thanking the man who had saved his planet.

"Captain Picard's heroism demands a reward! He is granted the duchy of Alpha-Trion."

The cheers went up, and one and all, Picard's crew said appropriate words on behalf of a man not fond of public adulation. Finally, one he loved best of all took the podium. Beverly was beaming, and could hardly think straight.

"He has been to me, Jean-Luc----friend, and Jean-Luc---Captain. But now, I will address this good old son of rural stock as----"

She gestured broadly with her arms.

"Jean-Luc--Duke!"

**6  
**

The situation infuriated Ben Sisko.

"You Zortnanians captured Gul Dukat, and you're just letting him go?"

Kira's opinion was obvious.

"He slips in here, where there's no extradition treaty, wearing women's clothing, hiding like a whipped dog, but you people are keeping to a fool's treaty."

The Zortnanian bureaucrat merely folded his arms. Dukat gloated heartily.

"Let's face it, Captain, Colonel---"

He looked foolish in the dress and big brim hat he wore.

"---in your corner of space, I am a convicted multiple felon. But here--"

He shrugged and snapped his fingers.

"I'm a man---without convictions."

**7****  
**

The man who appeared to be Lincoln spoke to the Enterprise's Communications Officer once again.

"Miss Uhura--I ask as I did before. Did my calling you a 'Charming Negress' upset you at all? You still seem perturbed."

Uhura shook her head, and raised her hand, shaking it as well, to alleviate the being's apparent concerns.

"Mister President—it's as I told you. We in our time no longer fear words alone."

"Well, ma'am, just so we're clear on that."

"Now, can I get you a snack? Nuts, Cheese, Potato Chips......"

She grinned as she added one more selection.

"......Cracker?"

**8****  
**

The Ba'sa was a rigorous circuit of Vulcan training for talented telepaths, an answer to the Vulcan dilemma of fighting in wars. Its graduates, The Ba'sar, were highly prized by the Federation, for defense and espionage work. Yet they had all vanished without a trace.

"Captain, we have the warp signature of a Klingon ship."

"Pursue them, Mister Sulu."

When they caught up with the ship, Kirk had Uhura contact its captain. A smiling Kor appeared.

"Kor--did you kidnap those Ba'sa telepaths?"

"Yes, Kirk. As of now--"

He pointed to his prisoners.

"All Your Ba'sar Belong To Us!"

**9**  


Neil went looking for his girlfriend, Belinda, as well as his Academy roommate, Jim Kirk. He began to think that he would never find either them, but in fact he found them both. He just really wished he hadn't afterwards.

"Neil, darling! This isn't what it looks like!"

"Neil, I swear, she never told me you two were serious!"

Brokenhearted and mocked, Neil resigned from The Academy. For solace, he started again writing poetry.

"Belinda was mine; Till the time that I found her; Holding Jim; And Loving Him..."

Former Cadet Diamond would find more than solace in this poetry.

**10****  
**

In the endless debate, T'Pol made an allowance.

"If I for the moment choose not to dispute time travel as a possibility, I must still gainsay your escape from a future bereft of technology, save that you had on you."

Archer shrugged.

"Understood. But one thing turned the tide. It was an invention of Doctor Phlox's meant to safely discharge energy from equipment. It can hold a tremendous charge, and then process it back again very efficiently."

T'Pol nodded.

"So what you are saying is that time travel is entirely possible, if in fact one is using the Phlox Capacitor." 

**11****  
**

THE FLORIDA KEYS, 2283

Before the worst of their campaign against The Order Of The Ancient Destroyer, Peter and Saavik Kirk frolicked and relaxed in the warm waters of the small string of islands just off of Florida.

"Peter--I believe that I have found something, in the surf."

Peter Kirk walked over to the other half of his being.

"What is it? It's badly worn."

Saavik examined it.

"It appears to be an ancient dispenser for salt."

Peter tried to discern something.

"Is that engraving on it?"

Saavik nodded.

"Yes--I believe that it says...."

She shook her head.

"Property of James Buffett?"

**12**

The early 21st Century 'Blade' series of films were playing as a curiosity in Gymnasium Three. Most took them for what they were, and enjoyed them on their own merits. But Ensign Crusher found that he could not, and made his distaste known.

"Oh, like any of this could really happen. A vampire virus that no one in history has ever heard of. A dark side he always conveniently manages to keep barely under control. A sword that can cut through anything. Foes that laugh stupidly."

Data looked back at the obnoxiously loud youth. He made an observation.

"Wesley snipes."

**13**

Jake shrugged at his friend as they ate.

"Well, you're a better man than me."

Nog looked up from his meal.

"What do you mean?"

Jake shook his head.

"With all the garbage she's pulled, I just don't know that I would have saved 'Her Eminence' from those Jem'Hadar. But you didn't even hesitate."

Nog seemed noncommittal.

"Well, she's not my favorite person. But that is my sworn duty, and besides, it's what Captain Kirk would have done."

"Seriously?"

Nog nodded.

"Absolutely. At the Academy, Professor Kirk told us all that his uncle just didn't believe in The No-Winn Scenario."

**14**

"What's wrong with the holo-suites this time, Rom?"

"It's the perspective/ratio subroutines, Chief! They're completely out of alignment, annnd my brother wouldn't shell out the extra half-bar to cover their recalibration."

"So just what happened?"

"Molly and the other children accessed the Hanna-Barbera program, but nothing was right. Bedrock was large as a province, and as they walked toward Huckleberry Hound, he just got farther away!"

"Anything else?

"Yes! Yogi Bear was only half a meter tall, while his little companion was over thirty meters in height and width."

Miles sighed.

"It seems like Quark made a reeeallllly big Boo-Boo."

**15**

**BORG CONDUIT 3, 2374**

**The Dominion has escalated from nuisance to imminent threat. Their approach to conflict is clear-thought, but still they shall be rendered irrelevant.**

**Telepathic Omnivore, the overlarge organic, shall meet the bulk of the Jem'Hadar forces. A series of cubes will lead Federation forces toward Betazed and Vulcan, false targets to keep our secondary foes engaged.**

**Inside the Dominion itself, our recovered voice Locutus shall assimilate world after world, reducing the vital supply line for our primary foes. This one is uniquely qualified to accomplish this. For in the matter of acquiring vast cosmic real estate, everything is Locutus, Locutus, Locutus.**

**16 **

PRIZE RECLAMATION CENTER, DENEB ONE

2379

Arridor grinned.

"Kol, we only have to answer this trivia question, and that batch of trans-Olympics tickets are ours!"

Kol shook with pleasure.

"Arridor, think what we'll fetch at auction for those! But let's not anyone else see our question, and try to claim our profits."

"Already taken care of. That secured room over there is all ours."

The Ferengi entered the room, and then unsealed their trivia question.

"This doesn't make any sense!"

Arridor said it aloud, while Kol heard the sound of cracking knuckles.

"What angry starship crew, recently returned from the Delta Quadrant, is standing right behind you?"

**17**

Odo shrugged in apparent confusion.

"The Vulcans want a rematch? But they won that baseball game."

Sisko nodded in apparent bemusement.

"They're even importing one of the few professional baseball officials in existence. They called you biased."

Odo chuckled derisively.

"My heart breaks. Is this person fair?"

"I'm told that so long as she's well-fed and relaxed, eminently so. I want you to set up the Deluxe Endless Food Bar service at Vockneias's for her, as well as a holo-suite to take her on a horse-drawn snow-carriage ride. You have all that?"

Odo nodded.

"Sure. Buffet The Umpire, Sleigh Her."

**18**

JULY, 2365

USS ENTERPRISE, NCC-1701-D

After Beverly's final beam-out, Wes slowly walked off. Data asked a question.

"Captain, is it wise to keep Wesley in those large quarters? I am told this can reinforce loneliness."

"Data, our new CMO prefers smaller quarters, and Wesley's transition will be harsh enough as it stands. Still..."

Outside the Crushers' door, Picard pointed.

"Data, listen for sobbing or pain. Privacy aside, he must not be let alone."

Data did just that, and then reported.

"I hear music, sir. A ballad offering instruction."

"What kind of instruction?"

"It seems that Wesley is to take some old records off the shelf."

**19**

USS ENTERPRISE-A, 2285

Captain Kirk recorded words of praise for his crew, regarding the events involving Sybok.

"Captain Spock kept a level head despite it all, and that is what Spock does."

"Commander Chekov created a superior distraction, enabling us to at least engage Sybok temporarily."

"Captain Scott's jailbreak at least put us back in the game, and the game got decidedly ugly."

He stopped, and realized that she would be angry, to say the least. Kirk fought down a chuckle.

"But while we all did our part, down on Nimbus Three, it was Commander Nyota Uhura who really pulled it all off."

**20**

USS ENTERPRISE, 2268

Spock described the odd effects of having deliberately ingested the Scalosian water.

"Just as quickly as Doctor McCoy and Nurse Chapel became as statues to me, my perspective shifted. I was immobile to their blurs. As I first saw Scalosians around a corner, I felt myself become immobile once again, first to them, then to the crewmembers, and oddly, even to myself. I was gravely concerned, at least initially, about becoming permanently immobile in all three zones."

McCoy's scowl was all but inevitable.

"In English, Spock?"

Spock attempted to do just that.

"At first I was afraid I was petrified..."

**21**

USS ENTERPRISE-D, 2370

Each time the dream about the ringing phone replayed, Data found himself under verbal assault by a different past Enterprise crewmember. Tasha had questioned his 'functionality'. Wesley had shoved him into an exploding shuttle-pod. Now, he found himself the target of Miles O'Brien.

"DATA, ANSWER THAT DAMNED THING NOW!!!"

Data looked all around, since the phone was now always in a different place. Oddly, Data saw that his uniform boots had been replaced with standard office-wear black shoes from the 20th and 21st Centuries. Seizing upon the oddity, Data answered the ringing shoe. He also apologized.

"Sorry about that, Chief."

**22**

The sequence of dreams associated with the cellular parasites seemed to be reaching its end. But Data still found himself passing the cake-ified Counselor Troi in the dream Ten-Forward.

"What do you want, Data?"

But he could never answer until consulted by the real Counselor Troi.

"Data, it's your dream. Tell her to leave. But do it how you normally never would. Dreams have their own logic, and so your normal phraseology may not work in them."

Next time, Data looked at the disturbing image, made temporary phrasing adjustments, and made his wishes clear.

"Don't come around here no more..."

**23**

DS9

O'Brien pointed to the runabouts.

"See, Odo. Each one is named for a river. Since rivers are as temperamental as a baby, I base which one I use on how my infant son is acting that day."

Odo nodded, not understanding the need for the ritual, but comprehending its whys and wherefores.

"What if Yoshi is colicky?"

"Then I take the Amazon."

"Sleeping?"

"Then I go down the ramp to take the Orinoco."

"Yes, well--what if he's all happiness and giggles?"

Miles pointed at the upper levels.

"When my baby smiles at me, I go to Rio De Janeiro."

**24**

ENTERPRISE, 2152

Hoshi stormed into Malcolm's quarters.

"You slime! You told them about my shirt!"

Reed raised his hands.

"Hoshi, I've neither told, nor written it down. Fact is, I was glad to be rid of that bra my cousins snuck into my things as a joke."

She shook her head.

"You must have told! Look what Tucker cooked up for the ship's pot luck."

Reed then asked a question.

"Hoshi, did you truly read this list, or merely glance at it?"

"Well, I think what it says is pretty obvious. Err--why?"

"Because this says Mister Tucker is serving *Hush* Puppies."

**25**

QUARK'S TAVERN, DEEP SPACE NINE

Secretly, Kai Winn beamed into the Ferengi Quark's establishment.

"They say you have books on the most specific subjects."

"For a price. What do you need?"

She threw up her arms.

"I can't sleep. In nightmares, Bareil chains me to a desk. What can I do?"

Quark checked his inventory. He smiled.

"It just so happens I have a book on helping guilt-ridden female Kais in the late 24th Century get over sleeping problems."

The Kai closed her eyes and teared up.

"I must have it. What is it called?"

Quark read the title out loud.

"Winn Doze For Adamis."

**26**

USS VOYAGER, EARLY 2378

Janeway chose.

"I don't care if the Doctor's undergoing recalibration--activate him!"

Kim shrugged.

"Okay, but he'll be missing some non-medical info."

The Doctor was indeed 'rezzy', so Janeway told him what was going on herself.

"Be'lanna decided to try a Klingon aphrodisiac, and as a result injured Tom."

"Tom?"

"Tom Paris."

"Be'lanna?"

"Torres, Doctor. Be'lanna Torres, his wife."

"I'll see what I can do."

The EMH reported back.

"Yes, Captain. Tom Paris received a very tender injury from his wife, Be'lanna--"

"Torres, Doctor. Tor---res."

The Doctor raised his voice.

"Tore--his? Why, she nearly ripped it off!!!"

**27**

**USS ENTERPRISE-D**

His human journey now done, Q nodded.

"Now, this isn't the first time I've been exiled."

"Why does that not surprise me, Q?"

"Ahh, Jean-Luc. You and Riker are no smarter than my beloved dum-dums."

Riker shrugged.

"Dum-dums?"

"Primitive hominids I was assigned to grant moronic wishes to. I appeared to them as a sprite. Idiots, but they had heart. They no more appreciated my humor than you, Kal, or Reed. Well--Ta, Humanity. I'd like to say it's been fun--but...."

Riker then looked at Picard.

"What do you say to that, Captain?"

"Say, Number One?"

Picard bellowed.

"Yabba-Dabba-Doo!!!"

**28**

**USS ENTERPRISE-D**

Riker continued his tale of time travel.

"So this apple-stealing Keystone constable declares the control device a 'gentleman's cane' --and evidence."

Worf nodded.

"Of course said evidence would be kept in his house, for his use."

Data raised a concern.

"Commander Riker, it seems probable that Mister Clemens based his last novel, about a future time traveler, on me. Yet I know that this story existed before my journey. Could history now have two distinct Samuel Clemens?"

"Well, Data, I wouldn't worry. If that is the case, then they each occupy separate realities, so never the Twains shall meet."

**29**

After dealing with Thomas Riker, O'Brien was now facing a Keiko bitter for no apparent reason.

"No anniversary. No birthday. The refresher seat is reset. I picked up Molly. So why?"

"Oh, Miles! You KNOW what you did!"

He grabbed and kissed her.

"Huh?"

"That, my love, is for not being your envious transporter duplicate."

After he left, she opened the walk-in closet. There, Leiko Ishikiwa saw that her 'sister' from the 're-aging' process aboard Enterprise was still bound and gagged. Plans to duplicate 'their' husband would have to wait.

"He's good. But I can see for Miles and Miles!"

**30 **

ENTERPRISE, 2154

The Agita-Xindi were fully telepathic, speaking only by thought.

"Discrimination from our brethren has made them our enemies."

But Captain Archer had his doubts, and swore that, every so often, the  
Agita-Xindi would speak to him verbally, though no one else heard this.

"You will break and be doubted by your own people."

But even Tucker was leery of Archer's accusations.

"Sir, there's just no way they're saying anything at all. We'dve heard. We  
still have ears."

"Trip, they're playing with me."

"Cap'n, all they can muster verbally is a hoarse grunting."

"But I'm telling you, the hoarse can talk!"

**31**

DS9, Quark's, 2373

Worf downed yet another prune juice.

"I was forced to erase my brother's memories in order to keep him from  
destroying himself."

The ensouled vampire called Angel downed enough non-synthehol bourbon to fry a  
man's brain.

"I was forced to erase my son's memories to keep him from destroying himself  
and others."

Duncan Macleod just sat and let the ice melt in his vodka and gin as he stared  
ahead.

"In order to defeat a great evil, I was forced to take my own kinsman's head."

Worf looked at the others.

"I am without Kurn, while you are without Connor!"

**32**

Earth, The Time Of The Eugenics Wars

Khan held a news conference.

"This philosophy is a distillation and summary of the beliefs that have  
shaped me. The Tao Of Khan Noonien Singh, so to speak."

"Khan, isn't this philosophy just for your own gene-spliced overmen?"

"Not at all, my friend. Being a superior man is far more than a mere accident  
or even a design of birth. It is a choice. I firmly believe that what is true  
for me is true for the entire planet. In fact..."

He stretched out his arms, as though to embrace the Earth.

"I'd like to teach the world Tao Singh..."

**33**

2283, Ancient Destroyer Universe

Senior Cadet Kirk and Captain Kirk each thought the other was being impossible.

"Outside of Academy sponsorship, when have I ever asked you for anything?"

"Peter, the Enterprise is not a given for anyone. It's not even a given that you and Saavik will serve together."

"We have a rep, you know. We saved every..."

"I was there, and the look on Cartwright's face was priceless. But what am I doing to my ship if I take aboard officers who, for some reason, don't have what it takes?"

Peter dropped his attitude.

"We had a dream we'd go traveling together..."

**34**

Bashir looked at his secretive acquaintance with pure contempt.

"You can't mean to end the greatest war we've ever faced by means of biological warfare?"

"You're as good a man as ever, Doctor. But still terribly naïve."

"Agent Sloane, if you carry forward with this mission of genocide against the Founders, you will be starting a new genetic arms race, violating the very moral fabric of the Federation, making potential targets out of all who crafted the virus, reducing us all to the vile, base level of The Dominion's terrorist tactics..."

Sloane raised a finger, interrupting him.

"...annnnnd, Loving It!"

**35**

Julian Bashir emerged from his lab, beaming about his new discovery.

"Great news, everyone! I've re-coded 31's anti-Changeling virus to give us a foolproof way of detecting The Founders, no matter what form they take. This will not only keep Odo's people honest, but allow the Founders who have chosen to live among us in peace not to be subjected to mindless to mindless paranoia."

Ambassador Worf smiled at this news. Their rivalry aside, there was no denying that this day belonged to Bashir. He raised his finger, and shook it in the air.

"It Is A Good Day....For Science!"

**36**

This is the story of how Lieutenant Commander Worf of Deep Space Nine was made one day to feel immense pain.

He was having dinner with his beloved wife, Jadzia Dax, who passed at too young an age.

The dinner was a large and hearty one, and Jadzia ate well, devouring near everything in sight. Then came the desserts.

Jadzia hungrily eyed the confection-filled cart, and for a moment her need for chocolate easily outclassed Worf's previous lady.

Worf expressed a concern. This is how he became badly injured.

"My Wife--Is it not perhaps a good day--To Diet?"

**37**

Tuvok was Starfleet, Seska, Cardassian, and Suder, nuts.

Tom's Maquis career was fronted by 31, Be'lanna's by the Klingons, and the Maquis Tuvok trained--all Romulans.

Jonas? Working for Seska.

"Was anyone at all working for me? Anyone?"

Chakotay stared with dread at the disk. The one containing a message from himself to himself, that he totally could not recall.

Resolved, he decided to view this unknown memory not in pieces, but wholesale.

The man on the screen was Chakotay, but he spoke with an odd Germanic accent. The First Officer screamed as he spoke.

"Hello, Chakotay.....My name is Hauser."

**38**

The recently-elected Kai was decidedly chilly towards the Terran officer.

"Good day, Commander Sisko."

If Sisko appeared to shrug off her lack of cordiality, his second-in-command, recently as hostile as Winn, found that she couldn't.

"Can't you at least once address him by the title he was granted by The Prophets?"

"Do not accuse me of disrespect to them, child. I do not merely worship the Prophets. As their Kai, I am truly as one in love with them."

She took no note of Kira's wide eyes as she finished.

"And being in love means never having to say Emissary."


	2. Centimeters

Star Trek : Centimeters – Life In Drabbles

By Rob Morris

**No Movie Tonight  
**

_After the events of 'Specter Of The Gun', the crew tries to unwind with an ancient film. That is, they try..._

After escaping the illusory Old West, Kirk sat his tense staff down to watch something sent by Lady Amanda.

"Spock, what is this ancient vid?"

"I assume from the title that it is a romance."

McCoy nodded.

"So long as it gets our minds off of Melkotians and Tombstone, Arizona."

"Da-and the tombstone placed above my own head!"

When the title went up, so did Kirk, resisting a glare at his dear friend.

"People, for reasons I'll explain later, we will not be watching-'My Darling Clementine'."

McCoy tried to save the night.

"We could always do a sing-along."

_Based partially on a M*A*S*H* episode called 'Movie Tonite'_

**Did You Know Her?  
**

_With his mother's passing, Spock is offered startling evidence of her true nature, and perhaps his own. An AU unrelated to any other I write._

VULCAN, 2296

Spock's mother was dead. Guests grieved with himself and Sarek. A tall man walked up. He asked a question in an accent not unlike the vanished Scotty.

"Did You Know Her?"

"She was my mother."

"But did you know her? Do you know what Amanda forsook to have you?"

"No."

"She forsook eternity, which has taken her back. You'll nae see her again. But I will."

"She-is dead."

"So were you."

Spock saw him leave with a glare at Sarek.

"Father, who was that man?"

"That, Spock, was- a very old friend of Amanda's. His name is Duncan Macleod."

_Dedicated to mothers everywhere - There Can Be Only One._

**The Other Edge of Forever**  
-

_The trip through the Guardian Of Forever may have saved the Federation more than just once._

In 2271, James Kirk and his crew returned home to face an unjust court-martial.

Admiral 'Skip' Terrence, unable to be dissuaded, hounded every last one of them out of the service.

His obsession with the letter and the law of the Prime Directive directly caused the weakened Federation to be carved up by the other powers in 2300.

In 1930, a drug-addled, time-lost Leonard McCoy ranted and raved about 'needles' before moving on.

Wino 'Rodent' Terrence found McCoy's phaser and destroyed himself while playing with it.

In 2271, James Kirk and his crew returned home justly acclaimed as heroes.

**Top This!  
**- 

_After 'The Naked Time' Sulu feels an odd connection to someone on the NX-01. Will he be hit with a 'Shockwave'?_

McCoy gave Sulu another injection of the antiviral.

"You imagined you were one of the Three Musketeers?"

Sulu nodded, obviously feeling quite embarrassed.

"Uh, yeah, Doc. I've always been obsessed with them, especially D'Artagnan. I even read Alexander Dumas's novel in the original French."

McCoy picked up Sulu's tunic.

"Then why whip this off? Didn't the Musketeers all wear elaborate uniforms? What were you thinking of, just falling out of your shirt?"

"Well, Doc. It's odd. When I lost touch with reality, my last thought wasn't about Musketeers."

"Then what was it about?"

Hikaru scratched his head.

"My Grandma Hoshi."

_No canon connection exists between the two characters, and the one here is just for humor's sake._

**Look Before You Leap  
**

_In an AU, the events of 'Operation:Annihilate' go very differently, thanks to a bit of untimely help._

Jim waved goodbye to his brother Sam's family. He had a special hug for nephews whose world was almost devastated, but who would now grow up with both parents alive and well.

"Captain, does your brother possess mental aberrations?"

"No, Spock. Why?"

"During our efforts to repulse the parasites, he-talked to himself."

Inside, Sam again seemingly did just that.

"So what happens now?"

"By saving Kirk's brother, you stopped his nephews from sliding into criminal behavior, years on."

A boy looked in.

"Daddy-I Love You!"

The hug was cut off by familiar words.

"Get Ready To Leap, Sam."

**Of Superior Mice and Men**

_The real power behind Khan's rise muses on his downfall_

_-._

EARTH, THE MID 1990's

The schemer watched the secret launch of the Botany Bay.

"Our plans for these genetic supermen fell away to nothing. They were beyond controlling. They were too power hungry, and far too bloodthirsty. Like Napoleon, Khan's arrogance awoke the ire of those he threatened. I had accounted for every factor, except the Human factor. They did not want an overt ruler, no matter his strength. Yet my plans are many, and one will eventually succeed. For tomorrow is another day, and tomorrow is also another night."

His assistant asked a question.

"Why? What are we gonna do tomorrow night, Brain?"

**A Slow Boat To China **

_While awaiting either rescue or death, Captain Kirk thinks of the response he should have given earlier. Set during Star Trek VI._

RURA PENTHE, 2293

Kirk awaited the coming of the next day, knowing that Maartia was likely a dupe, and knowing that he was perhaps at the end of his run of luck, not to mention his life, and the life of Leonard McCoy.

"Bones?"

"Go to sleep, Jim."

He thought about every decision that had brought him there.

"You know what I'm gonna tell Spock, if we ever see him again?"

McCoy groaned.

"That he is and will always be your friend?"

"No. What I'm gonna tell him is..."

The one prisoner flashed a grim smile at the other.

"Nixon was a crook."

**Just Stick With Us (Star Trek 2009)**

_This one has no purpose except to express my love for the Disney series 'Phineas & Ferb'_

The security man once called 'Cupcake' shook his head as the mad scientist entered the brig.

"That guy needs a wedgie."

"...and our mother always favored my brother Noonien,..."

Kirk cut him off.

"Enough with your tragic backstory, Doctor Soong. Geez-what a doof."

Matt Decker seemed half-impressed with his mission partner..

"Jim, aren't you a little young to be a starship captain?"

"Why Yes. Yes I Am."

Spock saw a smiling Uhura come around the corner.

"Hey, Commander. Whatcha doin'?"

"Merely watching the Captain attempt to do it all."

Kirk looked around for the furtive Ensign Chekov.

"Where's Pavel?"

**The Cradle Will Rock**

_Beverly shows some patients that the excuse 'We Were Desperate And Dying' just doesn't cut it._

Follows the S1 ep 'When The Bough Breaks'

USS ENTERPRISE NCC-1701-D, SICKBAY, 2364

Beverly smiled at the Aldean women.

"I know that you're nervous. You've likely never disrobed in front of others before, let alone received fertility treatments. So let me give you some assurances."

"This Sickbay is sealed. Your modesty will not be compromised."

"We have technology to undo the reproductive damage done by your planetary cloak."

They were all strapped in.

"Most importantly, know that as you face this terribly intimate process, you are one and all under the care of a highly skilled, superbly trained, dedicated Starfleet physician..."

The smile faded.

"...whose only son you kidnapped, just three days ago."

**The Silence Of The Laws**

_Bashir takes hurt-comfort to a new level._

Bashir slept the sleep of the just these past nights, even knowing that, on one of them, he would surely be roused from a sound slumber.

The night was pierced by an unholy wail, but he did not stir. He merely smiled. A figure then vanished as though he never was.

"Personal Log : While poor Jadzia would certainly have enjoyed the spiked Klingon armor I purchased for her wedding anniversary, I think I find that I should finally take it off my chair's seat. Poor Agent Sloane did not seem to enjoy it at all. Custodiet Gluteus Maximus, Sloane!"

**The Giving  
**

_Janeway's beloved Mark makes a sacrifice on her behalf._

The news was good. Kathryn was alive. The months of holding out had paid off.

But Mark knew her. Knew she would hold out seventy-five years. He couldn't bear the thought of her with another. He couldn't live knowing she was alone.

He had to tell her it was alright, though she would never accept that. The only break in vows that Kathryn Janeway would accept would be the one that gave her no choice at all. Mark then knew the lie he had to write, even as life went on around him.

"Dear Kathryn. I think you'd like her..."

**Memories **

_The returned Tuvok chats with Ambassador Spock about challenging individuals, in days of auld lang syne._

The two Vulcans talked at length, about many things.

"Tell me of this Talaxian. Rather a complex individual?"

Tuvok nodded in agreement.

"He was far too emotional for my comfort. He was highly opinionated. Argumentative to a fault. Delighting in my discomfort. Always fighting ever harder for illogical ideas. Yet, I count him as a true friend. His final departure will always remain for me a highly moving occasion."

Spock shocked Tuvok by moving to wipe his eye of a single tear.

"Ambassador. Are you well?"

Spock nodded.

"I am. Your words merely caused me to think upon Doctor McCoy."

**Long-Distance Caller  
**

_The Captains are and are not amused..._

"It's been great, Jean-Luc."

"Indeed, Kathryn, even if our opportunity to talk was wholly unexpected."

"Well, for me, just swapping stories has been a joy."

"Agreed. For me as well."

But now it was done, and their smiles faded. Their features grew arch, and annoyed. With certain gifts, after all, it wasn't the gift itself so much as the presentation. One may enjoy something without caring for the person who broke their living room window while throwing it to them. So it was with this gift. They breathed in, and the entire Delta Quadrant resounded with one shouted word.

"Q-ewwwwwwwwwwwww!"

_Just to clarify : This story is set before Voyager's return._

**Immortality Denied  
**

_After stopping the mad Vulcan in DS9's 'Field Of Fire', Ezri learns how the UFP tries to keep from making such people into celebrities._

"Ben, what do you mean Chu'lak is now XY3?"

"His actual name will be withheld for a full month. The hope is that, after the cooling-off period, he will be less remembered than the names and lives of his victims."

"Ben, that sounds unconstitutional."

"His treatment will still be scrutinized. But his name like all the names of spree or serial killers, are excised for that initial period. It's a rough law, and it's hard to make work. Though Chu'lak wasn't seeking it, through this we deny all like him their moments in the sun."

**Outside The Box**

_A drabble coda to the DS9 S2 episode 'Paradise'.  
One unrepentant makes a request-and it is granted._

Alixus made a demand.

"I wish my observation journals to be collected for transport. They contain years of work."

Sisko shook his head.

"You kidnap these people for an experiment, and now you want the fruits of your sick labor?"

New colony leader Joseph spoke up.

"It's all right, Captain. She can have them."

"Thank you, Joseph."

"Well, we have learned from you, Alixus."

Joseph was handed a phaser by O'Brien, and used it to destroy the disciplinary box. The sight of a burnt journal cover shocked Alixus.

"Now, by all means—take them away. I could get a whisk-broom."

_In case you couldn't tell, I really didn't like that episode's ending._

**A Form Of Address  
**

_What did Tom just call Be'lanna? Set shortly after 'Drive'_

The new husband called his new wife.

"Paris To Paris."

There was no response at all.

"Paris To Paris."

Again, no response was heard.

"Computer, locate the Chief Engineer."

"The Chief Engineer is in Engineering."

"Then why isn't she responding?"

"Unable to ascertain."

"Is she fit to respond?"

"Affirmative."

"Okay."

He tried yet once again.

"Paris To Paris."

"Paris To Paris."

"Paris To Paris."

"Paris To Paris."

"PARIS-to Paris."

At long last, Tom realized his probable error, and grinned sarcastically. Belanna had warned him, after all.

"Paris-To Torres."

"Torres here. What can I do for you-Mister Torres?"

**Only In...  
**__

_Worf finally calls someone out-in a manner of speaking. Post-DS9 finale scenario_

USS ENTERPRISE-E, 2380

Worf walked off the Bridge. Picard rose.

"Resume your post, Commander."

The Klingon folded his arms.

"No."

"Resume your post, Commander. That is an order!"

"You have no authority over me."

"Think so, do you?"

Worf smiled.

"I am an Ambassador. You will show me respect, or I will ask Martok to petition Starfleet for your removal from command. Are we clear-sir?"

Picard bit down, and then finally acquiesced.

"Yes, Mister Ambassador."

Worf exited the doors unchallenged, and nodded to one who waited.

"Did it work, Mister Worf?"

"Yes, Mister Barclay. I shall make good use of this holo-program."

**For Name's Sake  
**  
_-_

_Some historical glories they'd rather do without._

The Tholians continued their web, as the anxious crew of Deep Space Nine waited in their warship for one of the nearby Starbase's 'web-clipper' drones to offer them a way out.

O'Brien was being realistic.

"If that closes, we could end up literally anywhere, and not necessarily alive."

Bashir was trying to be annoyingly optimistic.

"I happen to know that, in all of history, only one Federation starship has been lost in Tholian space."

"So what ship was it?"

"I-don't recall its name."

Sisko watched glumly as the web neared completion outside.

"I do."

He then looked at them.

"Defiant."

**Thrice Fried  
**

_The launch of a new type of starship has three great leaders quite wary indeed. Once Burned, Twice Shy…_

In orbit over the Utopia Planitia Shipyards, Late 2378

"Welcome to Captain Picard, Admiral Janeway, Colonel Kira, and all our esteemed guests. We are pleased to have you aboard the experimental Morpheus-Class prototype USS Neil Gaiman. The infrastructure can be moved in an instant and refitting is transwarp, because the ship itself is crafted entirely from sophisticated holo-generators."

Picard's eyes met Kira and Janeway's.

"So in essence, the entire vessel is one large holodeck?"

"Actually, Captain, it's all one solid hologram."

First Kira, then Janeway and Picard, and then a whole chorus of Starfleet captains joined together in hitting their respective comm-badges and saying three simple words.

"Emergency Beam-Out!"

**Harvest Time  
**

_Sometimes, you can be too damned thorough. Follows up the DS9 episode 'Armageddon Game'_

T'Lani Three, 2374

O'Brien glared at their kidnappers.

"What part of 'The Federation will treat another such incident as an act of war' did you fail to get?"

"Chief, you don't understand..."

Bashir cut her off.

"Again, you've expediently decided that our lives must be forfeit, merely because we know something about the Harvester technology."

"No, please-we don't want to kill you."

Miles snorted.

"But you 'have' to, right?"

"We didn't bring you here to kill you."

Etyshara turned on the monitor. Approaching onscreen was a small but deadly Dominion fleet.

"We brought you here because we need to recover the technology."

**Obey One, Trip?  
**-

_When two friends get in each others' faces, will we see an Attack Of The Colognes? Occurs during Enterprise S3_

The Expanse, 2253

Archer grew indignant at Tucker's glare.

"Trip, the Xindi assassin was getting away!"

"You took us off on that grav-cycle like a bat out of perdition! That was about seventeen kinds of reckless."

"Trip, we've been blind since before we entered the Expanse. I was hoping the assassin could give us something we could use on those that hired him!"

Charles Tucker breathed in. He remembered their long friendship, and he remembered that he was speaking to his captain. But he did shake his head just before he let the subject go.

"Captain, sir? You're gonna be the death of me."

**Petty Revenge  
**- 

_Follows from the DS9 S6 episode 'You Are Cordially Invited' Sisko finds one of his matchmaking actions biting back at him._

Sisko hung blindfolded and suspended above a sauna pit.

He shouted.

"I won't break this easily! Do you hear me? I've endured worse...hello?"

Below him, his vengeful captors feasted on Meatball Subs, Chili Cheese Fries and Chocolate Shakes.

"I was at Dax and Worf's wedding, and then…"

They knew they would pay for this. They didn't care.

"He had this coming, taking from us what was ours."

"To Captain Sisko on the road to Stovokahr."

"To Captain Sisko, on the LONG fast."

Bashir and O'Brien resumed eating. Inside the secured holosuite, Benjamin Sisko began to break.

"I smell-Pepperoni Pizza!"

**All Will Scream**

-

_What are those Klingons eating-and why?_

O'Brien saw the Klingons walk up to Quark, one by one.

"Butter Pecan."

"Lemon Sherbert."

"Strawberry."

Finally, Martok walked up.

"Mint Chocolate Chip."

As each sat down with their cold dishes, O'Brien finally asked.

"Why?"

"Just watch and wait, Chief."

Each warrior ate their dessert very rapidly. Far too rapidly, some might say. Miles cried out.

"Don't! You'll get..."

"Save it, Chief. Klingons, remember?"

Each Klingon keeled over at their table, howling in delighted pain from the 'brain freeze'. After ten minutes, a staggered Martok walked up again.

"Rocky Road."

Quark shook his head.

"General–I'd say you've had enough."

**Enough Is Too Much**

_We always knew that Worf could only be pushed so far. An unlikely (but not impossible) AU after the end of ST: 'Nemesis'_

THE BRIG, USS ENTERPRISE-E, 2380

As a brooding Worf contemplated a future in disgrace, a surprising figure emerged in front of his holding cell.

"You?"

Deanna Troi nodded, fighting not to look directly at him.

"Despite what you've done, few know your psychology as well as I. Ezri Bashir is on a diplomatic journey to a former Dominion world, and so here I am."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

Troi made the only concessions she would make in this matter.

"To be fair, Mother was at times a very difficult person, and you did ask her on countless occasions to stop calling you 'Mister Woof'..."

**Point and Match**

-

_Paris finds a flaw in Torres' reprogramming of the Doctor's holo-family.  
_

_-  
_  
Torres waited to hear what Paris had to say about the Doctor, now mourning a daughter.

"I give him points. He let it play out."

She was less than impressed.

"He had no choice. Ego, and fear of looking foolish pushed him back."

"Maybe. But did the level of simulated danger have to be so high as to kill the little girl?"

"It says a lot about the Doctor's shortcomings that he would program a family that sugary."

Paris agreed, but took her down anyway.

"Just like it says a lot about you that the troublemakers you programmed were Klingons."

**Recount  
**- 

_Boy, does a certain Gul look foolish or what? Just after TNG's 'Chain Of Command'  
_- 

Cardassia, 2369

He had been disgraced by his failure with Picard, but that wasn't what bothered him.

"Could it be? No..."

The Federation now had information on their best breaking techniques, but that wasn't what bothered him.

"Only one way to find out."

Gul Madred was a goals-oriented man, but he was also a stickler for fine details. So at last he donned the spectacles he hid from nearly everyone, even his beloved child. Looking at the upper light fixture, he then checked how many fingers he had held up. He shook his head.

"Well, I'll be damned. He had it right."

**Speak Freely**

-

_During Ro Laren's final appearance in S7, Picard finds himself called out.  
_-

The timing was all off, thought Picard. Ro Laren had betrayed their plan to The Maquis.

"Mister Worf, when Miss Laren comes back on board, place her under arrest."

Worf nodded.

"You mean-arrest her for ruining the plan that she never wished to be a part of, had deep questions about from the beginning, only became a part of out of personal loyalty to you, and all but begged to be removed from, fearing something just such as what has now occurred?"

Picard appeared to gulp a little.

"Well, if you're going to go and put it *that* way..."

**My Old Backyard**

_Chakotay is back in town, but there are some places you can never go again._

THE BADLANDS, EARLY 2379

Chakotay and the former Maquis once under his command had been given use of a beat-up Miranda-Class, to take a tour of what were once their stomping grounds, in part to give Starfleet information on tracking elusive foes.

"Be'lanna, is there anything different about the Badlands?"

Torres was anxious to get home, Miral's 2AM lungpower aside.

"Other than no Maquis, no Starfleet and no Cardassians, and five less gas giants, courtesy of the Dominion attack–nada. Why? What seems different to you?"

He finally gave in and asked the question.

"Didn't this place used to be a whole lot bigger?"

**A Crack Of Lightning **

_Mirror Commander Archer and Captain Forrest discover that something may or may not have altered their history. Hey, Ray-what do you say? Just prior to the events of 'In A Mirror Darkly'  
_  
-

Captain Forrest nodded, though he felt like punching his desk.

"I knew Silik was holding out on us!"

Archer moved to keep the wrath off his point man.

"Don't blame Reed, Sir. He went to town on that Suliban, before he expired. If Silik's own diaries hadn't recorded the portal, we wouldn't even have known how far their time travel experiments had gone."

"Jonathan, Black and Gardiner are going to have all our hides unless we can tell them specifics. Had the Suliban actually managed to get into Earth's history, and changed it?"

Archer realized sadly that it really would be all their hides. No advantage able to be gained, he gave as accurate an answer as self- interest would allow.

"The recon teams say that the Suliban only managed to kill two things on ancient Earth."

"What things? Could they have impacted our history somehow?"

"I frankly don't see how, Captain Forrest. After all, what impact could a Tyrannosaurus Rex and a single butterfly have on the existence of the Terran Empire?"

**Cold Pizza**

- 

_Tasha tries an old routine with Data, only it doesn't go quite right._

-

On Holodeck Three, Tasha waited in a bathrobe. There was a knock on the 'door'.

It was Data.

"I am the Pizza Delivery Person."

Tasha smiled.

"Oh, I'm so hungry. But I haven't any money to pay for the pizza."

Data puzzled at this, then spoke.

"Remuneration is required. If you have no money, then you may not have the pizza."

"But couldn't we work out...something else?"

Data shook his head.

"I do not see how."

Data then exited the holodeck.

Tasha threw up her arms.

"He really doesn't get it-and what's even worse is now, neither do I!"

**Mrs. O'Brien Says Goodbye**

_Before she leaves DS9 and Bajor behind with her family, a lady not known for her reticence lets someone have it. Around the end of 'What You Leave Behind'._

Neela, attacker of Bareil, had recently made strident statements. 

She saw her visitor.

"Hello, Keiko. Miles has given up trying to get me to 'repent'. "

A Keiko soon departing Bajor stood silent. Miles didn't have many female friends, needlessly fearing Keiko's jealousy. This one had used and betrayed him, now not feeling a thing about it.

"It was not a sin. Winn's unspoken wishes guided me, and The Prophets guided her."

Keiko fired off a quantum torpedo, then left.

"Winn Adami died serving The Pagh Wraiths."

Shortly after this, Neela confirmed this news, and howled in agony for weeks.

**Talking-To**

_-_

_Janeway dresses down a member of her crew_

-

Chakotay brought the crewman before the Captain.

"Am I This Ship's Captain?"

"Yes you are, Captain Janeway."

"Do you enjoy your position?"

"Yes I do, Captain Janeway."

"Did you disobey my orders?"

The crewman nodde .

"Yes I Did, Captain Janeway."

"Do You Wish A Demotion?"

"No I Don't, Captain Janeway."

"Well, pull anything like this again, and you'll see the brig all the way home."

The low-ranked crewman left more than a little tearful.

"Permission to speak, Captain Janeway?"

"You May Speak, Mister Chakotay."

Chakotay considered his words carefully.

"Don't you feel you were a little hard on Naomi?"

**Braxton Loses It **

_Time Authority Captain Braxton turns thumbs down on the Temporal Prime Directive in a major _

_way._

Braxton was out of control.

In 1989 California, a maddened bigot was killed. One week later, no schoolchildren were shot.

In 1998 Australia, a man on his way to shoot a lot of people drove off the road and died.

In 1998 England, a pedophilic schoolteacher with a small arsenal slipped and fell down the stairs.

In 1999 Colorado, a group of young psychotics found their arsenal melted. They died of 'overdoses'.

His underlings worried.

"From here, he'll escalate."

At the 2014 'Temple Of White God' a bomb went off, killing bomb builders.

In 1889 Austria, an infant stopped breathing...

**Staff Meeting  
**

_Between the Voyager S6 finale and the S7 premiere, 'Unimatrix Zero'_

Chakotay.

"While the Captain is away, I want to hear your impressions of her plan to infiltrate the Borg with Be'lanna and Tuvok."

Tom.

"Bad plan."

Neelix.

"Bad plan."

Seven.

"Bad plan."

Harry.

"Bad plan."

The Doctor.

"Bad plan."

The Borg Children.

"Bad Plan."

Naomi.

"Bad Plan."

The 'Good Shepherd' geeks.

"Bad Plan."

The former Equinox crew.

"Bad Plan."

Computer.

"Bad Plan."

Suder and Seska's ghosts.

"Bad Plan."

Barclay and Troi, subspace.

"Bad Plan."

Kes, calling to apologize.

"Bad Plan."

Admiral Paris.

"Bad plan."

Chakotay stood.

"I'm glad that we're all behind her!"

Tom watched him leave.

"He is whipped."

**Priorities **

_Mere hours after the close of Voyager series finale 'Endgame' and containing spoilers for such._

Captain Janeway feared the worst for Owen Paris's visit to the newly returned Voyager.

"It's the Prime Directive. I'm in deep."

Chakotay also feared the worst.

"It's The Maquis. Starfleet has to punish those that turned out to be right!"

Seven was cynical.

"I am likely to be analyzed in depth."

The Doctor was declarative.

"I am *not* becoming a miner!"

Harry was optimistic.

"Tom's been riding me so much about this ensign business lately, I'll bet his Dad has that extra pip in hand!"

But upon entering, a smiling Admiral Paris merely asked one brief question.

"Where's my grand-daughter?"

**No Reply**

_Directly after the events of the Voyager episode 'Fury'_

In the galley the two sat, figuring it out.

"Tom?"

"Yes, Neelix?"

"That-visitor we had?"

"That recent visitor, you mean?"

"Yes, that old friend who came by."

"What about her?"

"Do you want to talk about her?"

"Frankly-no. Right now, I feel more warmly towards Seska and my cousin Nick."

"She-didn't seem to have much use for us, did she?"

"Well, Neelix-after all, she only once loved both of us."

"So-she nearly kills Be'lanna, and looks at me like I was a bug."

Ensign Tom Paris and Ambassador Neelix never spoke of Kes again.

**Cruise Control**

_Just a bit of unlikely J/C silliness_

Janeway lay down with Chakotay.

Janeway got a bright idea.

"Computer, cancel privacy protection codes."

Chakotay smiled wickedly.

"Go ahead and do it."

"Whereabouts of my senior staff."

The computer did as told.

"Torres with Paris. Kim with Seven. Neelix with Wildman. Tuvok is meditating. EMH and Naomi in play on Holodeck."

"Rest of crew."

One by one, it was found that all crew members were doing what they enjoyed.

"Chakotay, I guess its truly a night of joy."

"Mmmm. Except for one thing."

"What is that one thing?"

"Kathryn?"

"Yes, Chakotay?"

"Who, Precisely, Is Running The Ship?"

"ALL HANDS!..."

_I know ship staffing logistics make this nearly impossible, but I couldn't resist._

**Four Afield  
**

_In an AU, a time-travel attempt to save four of history's most fantastic heroes goes very wrong indeed._

As the rocket ascended, Kirk queried his fellow travelers.

"We ALL set out to save them from Doctor Doom's descendant, and ended up taking their places instead?"

Sisko took note of the approaching cosmic ray storm.

"It would seem that way. Why did I use an Orb instead of Defiant?"

Janeway groaned.

"I'll order the crew not to make 'transparency' comments. Braxton will have kittens."

Picard said little as they entered the storm. He noted that Kirk was hands-on, Janeway analyzed at a remove, and Sisko had a fiery temper. That left him a sorry fate.

"What a revolting development!"

THE ANCIENT DESTROYER UNIVERSE (TOS-based Xover AU)

**The Commodity **

_In the Ancient Destroyer Universe, Harriet Janeway meets a weasel whose family is familiar to two late 20th Century FBI agents._

STARBASE 50, 2260

Commodore Janeway greeted the newcomer.

"We call ourselves The Commodity as a private joke. The Commodity, which we will never treat as such, is honor. We are not The Hall. What they do in isolation, we do out here in the universe."

"That's why I'm here, sir. All we 'foolish idealists' want nothing to do with those barbarians."

"Harriet-come here. Commander, this is my pride and joy, soon bound for The Academy."

Harriet immediately did not like this man. In later years, she would mark him as her father's murderer—by taking his arm.

"It's a pleasure-Commander Krycek."

_In the ADU, reincarnated villains from other genres 'bleed' in, drawn by its corruption._

**She Loves Me Like A Rock**

_Peter Kirk learns anew that there is someone who doesn't care about your cosmic destiny. You only get one._

2281, San Francisco

Commander Uhura came to fetch her adoptive son, Cadet Peter Kirk.

"You're not actually going to wear that, are you?"

She offered tips on conduct at Starfleet functions.

"Try not to lock eyes with Saavik. Yes, everyone has caught on."

She offered protocol tips.

"The Commodore's hand is still sore from when you last shook it. *Try* to remember your strength."

She asked him a question.

"What were we discussing yesterday, before I had to cut you off?"

As they left, Cadet Kirk fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"Whether or not you've really been a mother to me."

**The Figure's Head**

_Uhura tries not to explain her ultimate bad hair day to young Peter Kirk..._

USS Enterprise, November, 2266

Uhura showed her adopted son a saved planet's gratitude.

"Aunt Nyta, the dolls they made of the senior staff only kind of look like it."

"They were a pre-warp culture, just on the verge of breakthroughs like laser sculpting."

"That Bridge is goofy-except for the spinning transporter. Aunt Nyta-your doll-sorry, 'action figure' - about that hair-"

"Peter-never bring up the hair on Mother's doll. Take that one to heart eternally."

"Under-stood."

But Peter did look at the mop-top, and tried hard to remind himself that the residents of Mego 75 had likely done their best.

**Not Even Close  
**

_A captive is not a slave, if that is what he chooses. Based on the Teen Titans episode 'The Apprentice'_

2275

Brock Cartwright was in charge of Starfleet, but not of one young man.

"Total assault. Mental invasion. Tortures of hell devised just for you."

He slammed the cryo-stasis chamber.

"None of it broke you. But make no mistake, Peter Kirk. You will give us Lord Ghidorah. You will willingly swear allegiance to him, and to us. You will call him Master. You will call Admiralty Hall your home. You will call me Father!"

Roaring in defiance, a telepathic voice that could be dampened but never silenced arose from the stasis tube.

"Your little dragon is not my Master!"

Cartwright cowered as a large image of the USS Enterprise appeared in the room.

"This is my home!"

Cartwright got to his feet just in time to see the room flooded with hundreds of James T. Kirks, standing about him in various uniforms and stances. No matter what powers Peter had, it was the elder Kirk who looked quite literally invincible.

"And I already have a father."


	3. Through The Ages Players & Roles

**A Trek Through The Ages**

By Rob Morris

**The Distant Eddington**

They were younger men, then.

Civilization had not yet fallen.

"Baltar, why did you shut down our engines?"

"Adama--the Council directed I do so. This incursion into Cylon territory is unauthorized."

Cain fumed.

"Dammit, Baltar! They're holding our people!"

Baltar smiled, and punched in a code.

"I told The Council I would stop you--and I did. Now--let's get our people back."

The quest resumed, and Cain whispered to Adama.

"Now we know who The Council's Boy is."

But Adama felt there was something indefinably wrong.

"No, Cain. I don't think we know anything at all about Baltar."

**The 1890's Kai Winn**

A woman of means, both respected and feared, Mrs. Harriet Olsen entered the empty church in the town of Walnut Grove, Minnesota. She had a question; it seemed, for the Almighty.

"Now, it's come to my attention that after Charles Ingalls' son was shot by bank-robbing hoodlums, that he prayed to you, long and hard, to give his boy a miracle. After a time, Mister Ingalls claims that he saw lights and angels proclaiming his son's recovery."

"Now, this has raised a question that I need to have answered."

She stood up, looking pouty.

"Why Haven't I Received Any Visions!!?"

**The 1950's Bashir**

His dirty little secret was out. They knew the pace he maintained couldn't be natural.

Charles Winchester had been taking amphetamines, and had paid the price, in terms of his health and his dignity.

Under a flag of truce, Hawkeye Pierce sat by him.

"Look. You took a wrong turn. We've all taken it into a bottle or a somebody. So don't beat yourself up."

"Kind words, Pierce. But the struggle continues."

"The struggle to keep up with the rest of us?"

"N-ho. The struggle to hold myself back, so that the rest of you may keep up with me."

**The 1950's Commander Sisko****  
**

"I'm Henry Blake, and here's how it is in my spanking-new medical unit. My Chief Nurse thinks this place should be run strictly army. An army whose authority my Chief Surgeon doesn't recognize. Trapper goes on endlessly about his wife and kids. Frank just wants my job. I have a cross-dressing Corpsman who puts on a new form every day. I have a trusted company clerk who bears watching and knows me better than I know myself. HQ regards this unit as a high-priority vital outpost with no need for supplies. And I'm somehow supposed to make this place work?!"

**The 1950's Captain Sisko**

The Bug-Out was over, and Potter's mind was on treating the injured leader of The North Korean soldiers, left behind as they withdrew.

"Enemy or no, I'm a mite queasy about sending a regular military man to a POW camp for the duration."

The officer nodded.

"You are kind to say that, Colonel. But the fighting continues quite well without me. Hmmph. In retrospect, I suppose I should have known for certain that you were coming back."

"How in the Sam Hill could you have known that?"

"Simple--You left your horseshoe behind. I knew you'd come back for it."

**The 1950's Dax**

June, 1953, Korea

Sidney Freedman entered the tent of his religious counterpart, Father Mulcahy. But there was a desperate enemy soldier hiding inside.

When the shots were heard, the man was captured. Concerned, Colonel Sherman Potter kept everyone out of the Padre's tent, till the durable shrink could revive.

The man who had learned as much as he had taught saw Potter staring down at him.

"Sherm? Did I hit my head?"

"Nope. Not even a bump. Just shocky from the surprise."

Freedman nodded, thankful to have kept his mind.

"I'd hate to start a brand new life this late in the war."

**The 1950's Jake Sisko**

TOKYO, 1951

With Hawkeye for once too flabbergasted to speak, it all fell on Trapper to question the recalcitrant General.

"General--just why can't our unit have an incubator?"

The officer hemmed and hawed, despite his superior rank.

"There are myriad and multiple and massive considerations that must be considered before such a considerable consideration is considered copacetic."

Trapper suddenly grabbed and donned the hat of a passing reporter.

"General, take an alliteration medal out of petty cash. But for now, how's about a clear answer? The public has a right to know."

The General chuckled.

"You can't possibly be that naive."

**The 1950's Jellico**

Radar pointed.

"You sign here, Major."

Frank looked at it askance.

"I don't know."

Hawkeye shook his head, disbelieving.

"Frank, the poor kid will die if we don't get him to Seoul, and fast."

Frank still begged off signing.

"But he could die anyway, on the ride. And as Acting CO, I'd be responsible!"

Hawkeye rolled his eyes.

"As opposed to those deaths you're responsible for as an MD?"

"I--have to--go see-- what my opinion is."

"Cap'n? Why's he need to figure out his opinion?"

"Well, Radar, Frank doesn't have opinions---until Margaret tells him what they are."

**The 1950's Keiko**

My name is Soon-Lee Han Klinger.

This wonderful place is not the land of my birth. I came here to be with the husband I adore.

Many of the people are very religious, good-hearted, and patient as I learn their language and culture.

But many whisper. They ask questions about their history without notice, and huff when I answer correctly.

We have friends here, like my husband's 2nd Commanding Officer. We also know people who wish I did not exist.

My husband's temper flares when I am insulted. So I do not speak up. Except for when he is insulted. 

**The 1950's Nechayev**

SEPTEMBER, 1950

Having exhausted their patience with their micro-managing Head Nurse, the ladies of the 4077th finally decided to call her out.

"Major--we know our jobs. Barring any slacking off, I think that you might just want to let us be."

"She's right. Sometimes when I have an antsy patient calmed down, you walk over, yelling how something MUST be done."

"No disrespect. But with less stickling over rules and regs, we could still be efficient, effective AND get the job done."

But Hot Lips wasn't hearing a word.

"Getting the job done is a poor excuse for ignoring the rules!"

**The 1950's Kira**

APRIL, 1953

I accept: That I love the army, but it doesn't know everything. That the nurses are both soldiers and my friends. But just when I have this neatly packed away--he walks in.

The man who is admired also keeps his distance. What I thought arrogance I now know protects a large heart. When his perfectionism has failed him---I got angry. I want and need him to be perfect.

When he passes by, I swear everyone is looking for a moment between us that may never come. We both feel it, but we never say it.

"Major."

"Hawkeye."

**The 1950's Nog**

Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake often mused that learning Korean had nothing on trying to understand the ramblings of Company Clerk Corporal Walter O'Reilly.

"Radar, just how did you get the new sterilizing equipment?"

The corporal shrugged. "Oh, the secret to gettin somethin' tough is to have more deals goin than anyone knows about. So ya make yer first deal here, yer second deal there, two more over there, and five more back where ya started. It's a kinda sorta flow, doncha know."

"I think I understand--maybe. But just one more question?"

"Sure thing. Shoot, sir."

"Radar--Where's My Desk?"

**The 1950's O'Brien**

Doctor Winchester saw something that concerned him.

"Hunnicutt, whatever are you doing with that jeep?"

BJ just shrugged.

"Charles, if you must know, I'm headed to Tokyo. It's been six months since I saw Peg and Erin, so I thought I'd surprise them with a visit."

Charles rolled his eyes.

"Ahhh--Visit the family. Innnn--To-kyo. Ohhh--Zale has yet to fix that jeep. Why don't you lie down until he has, alright?"

BJ was led to Post-Op by a nurse, whom Charles later glared at.

"I Told You. Keep an eye on Doctor Hunnicutt, until his fever has passed!"

**The 1950's Prophet**

The negotiations had been successful, and the Korean War was no more. Now, as the final preparations to disband the 4077th continued, Francis began his blessing.

"Isaiah and Ezekiel told of a great leviathan that would come at the end. I daresay they never imagined wars quite like this one. But now that is done, and we can only hope that we have all learned from our mistakes. Lord, Bless This Land, and let it again be filled with children, not craters. Amen"

He stared at the moonlit, peaceful waters of the Sea Of Japan.

"We are of The Bay-Shore" 

**The 1950's Quark**

Max Klinger stood at the mess tent door, collecting 50 cents admission from each person. No one, not Hawkeye, Colonel Potter, or Father Mulcahy questioned what he was doing this for.

There had to be a reason. This was too blatant to be one of Klinger's patented scams.

This was what Max was depending on. Then came Major Houlihan, quite skeptical.

"Klinger, please don't tell me that you expect me to pay you 50 cents just so I can get some of our lousy food!"

"Major, I would never try to cheat someone so lovely. YOU pay only 25 cents!" 

**The 1950's Sloan**

1951, KOREA, MASH 4077TH

Corporal Max Klinger was on guard duty, when Colonel Sam Flagg passed by, and pointed at him.

"You--are a disgrace to every American who fears God, the enemy and myself!"

Klinger, wearing a blue chiffon dress, shrugged.

"Colonel, alls I'm tryin ta do is get out of the army on a Section 8!"

Flagg laughed contemptuously.

"You want out on a psycho discharge, nutburger? I'll give you a Section 8!"

Klinger lit up.

"You will?"

"In fact, I'll even give you a Section 31!"

Klinger frowned.

"There is no Section 31."

Flagg nodded.

"And you just remember that, freako!"

**The 1950's Worf**

1952

Pierce gestured for the nurse to change the fading patient's head towel.

"Just hang on, Ok? We may have a new arterial graft in the pipeline. No sense checking out before the free breakfast buffet, right?"

The dying man—kid really—smiled as the pain subsided, soon for all time.

"Doc, what's it like outside? What's the sky look like?"

Hawkeye looked. While merely overcast, rain and wind would come soon.

"An obscenely nice day outside. Big, bright sun."

"Not so bad then, is it?"

Pierce watched his patient go.

"You might even say-It is a good day to die."

**The 1960's Rom**

1966

Within moments, Gomer had Cousin Goober's truck up and running. Sergeant Carter shook Goober's hand.

"Goober, he may be a pain here, but I'll bet you folks in Mayberry miss Private Pyle!"

Goober kind of shrugged.

"Sergeant, truth be known, I ain't one that misses him. I love my kin. But I don't want him near my gas station. My Cousin is a well-meaning Idiot!"

Carter nodded.

"You can say that ten times!"

This is of course one of many fables told about later Five-Star General Pyle, Chairman Of The Joint Chiefs Of Staff, and likely Presidential Candidate in 2012

The 1990's Spock 

JUNE, 1993 - The Seine, Paris

Hugh Fitzcairn, two years from his last death, spoke first.

"All that he was--all that he knew is lost."

Richie Ryan, four months from his first death and four years from his last, spoke next.

"I thought I had learned from you guys how to face death. But I never really have."

Tessa Noel, four months from her one and only death, now spoke.

"He's not really dead. The best part of him lives on."

Immortal Duncan Macleod poured the ashes of Father Darius into the Seine.

"Of all the souls I have ever known, his was the most...human."

.


End file.
